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IN REVIEW: Theory of a Deadman - S/T

Reminds Me Of:
Junior high Nickelback

High On:
The undeniably catchy lead single "Nothing Could Come Between Us", even if it is identical to every second Nickelback song.

Low On:
Just about everything else on this 36-minute waste of paper and plastic. Now, let's get one thing straight; I KNEW I was getting into a blatant Nickelback impersonation when I picked this up. Hell, it was co-produced by Chad Kroeger, who co-wrote 60% of the songs on the album, AND Deadman is the first singing to Kroeger's 604 Records label. And, believe me, I wouldn't mind it so much if the job wasn't so poorly done. The music, for the most part, is fine (by Nickelback standards, of course), but the vocals and (especially) lyrics are so unimpassioned and effortless that it makes me sick. Sample lyric (from "Make Up Your Mind"): "If we break up, we'll wind up losing both of our minds / So wake up, let's make up and do this for the last time". Revolting. Want another? Okay: "Life after death is life after you / Half of all this is gonna have to do" (from "Confession"). Get it? Half? Have? How fucking clever. Hey Deadman! I want my grade seven scribblings back, asshole!

The Bottom Line:
Just another disturbing passage in one of the darkest chapters of rock n' roll. You know the one, where a half-talented rock band makes it big, then decides to give all his pals record deals? Except his pals suck major donkey balls, so much so that the band that made it big is bound to fall flat on their asses, not only breaking a hip, but destroying their own careers in the process! Oh, what fun! Seriously, folks, Theory Of A Deadman's debut album IS that horrible. I paid ten bucks for it, and feel like taking it back and demanding double my money back. Quoth Deadman in "Leg To Stand On": "Just get on your horse and ride". That's some kind (though pathetically trite) advice that Theory Of A Deadman should take as gospel. Thanks a lot for giving Canadian rock a bad name, fuckheads.

2 TERRIBLE
Release Date: September 17, 2002 • 604/Universal

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